It has been 14 years since our tragic experience of having a "stillborn" baby boy. Even though time has a way of healing, twinges of pain almost always accompany those bitter memories that go with experiencing a "stillbirth."
This experience can't be equally or fairly compared to the death of a loved one, for so much mystery revolves around what might have been. What would he have looked like? What would have been his first words? An endless number of questions are unanswered.
In our own grief process, we probably denied much of our pain because we were truly never "allowed" to grieve openly. Well-meaning friends and family all said things like, "maybe it was for the best," "you can always have more children," "get on with your life and things will get better." Not many people said, "I know that it hurts and I understand."
Some of what they said was true because we have four beautiful children and one more on the way, but we didn't face our grief until nearly ten years after we lost our baby, when we both experienced the Lord calling us to a deeper spiritual life. We wish, now, that we had dealt with the pain earlier after our loss.
The load of unresolved pain can get very heavy when left to stir in one's soul for too long. Our only words of encouragement to anyone in a similar situation are to allow yourself to grieve - because the pain of losing a baby is very real and it hurts.
The Lord will be there to support you and bring you back to a joyous life once more. Now we are forever grateful for our little saint in heaven, who watches over us daily. One day we will meet him and our Heavenly Father, and what a glorious reward that will be.
With love and great compassion for all those who experience the loss of a baby through stillbirth or miscarriage - we understand!